{"id":317,"date":"2019-11-07T16:56:39","date_gmt":"2019-11-07T16:56:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rollingwith.me\/wordpress\/?p=317"},"modified":"2019-11-07T20:23:56","modified_gmt":"2019-11-07T20:23:56","slug":"the-psychology-of-disability-part-two","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.rollingwith.me\/wordpress\/the-psychology-of-disability-part-two\/","title":{"rendered":"The Psychology of Disability (part two)"},"content":{"rendered":"

A long, long time ago, I wrote a blog entry \u2018The Psychology of Disability: Part One<\/a>\u2019.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The \u201cPart One\u201d may have eluded to the likelihood of a \u2018Part Two\u2019\u2026 \u2026eventually!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I kind of had a rough idea about what I wanted to say, I just didn\u2019t know how. I didn\u2019t have a context that wouldn\u2019t risk sounding preachy, or dismissive of the challenges other people may have faced and be facing. Some time ago, before I acquired a disability myself, I was in a discussion at my then work, a charity that supports people who have physical disabilities. I think it would have been at the time of the Beijing Paralympics. This was probably the first time that the country had embraced the Paralympics as \u2018real sport\u2019. The person I was speaking to was a disabled person. He said \u201cthe problem with the Paralympics is it is full of super-crips [cripples]. The public then think that all disabled people can do that, if only they try hard enough.<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n

Clearly, the reality of that would be to suggest that equally, every non-disabled person could get to the Olympics if they too also tried hard enough.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But I understood what he was saying.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s what I don\u2019t want this blog to be. THAT<\/strong>. I know that there are a great many reasons why other people won\u2019t achieve what I have, and I certainly am not suggesting that it is because they haven\u2019t \u2018tried hard enough<\/i>\u2019 or \u2018wasted their opportunities<\/i>\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re an inspiration<\/b><\/em>\u201d\u2026<\/p>\n

Really? I\u2019ve had this said to me many times. Really<\/b>? An \u201cinspiration<\/i>\u201d? On a couple of occasions, when feeling mischievous or just \u2018that way out\u2019, I\u2019ll excitedly respond \u201coh great! What have I inspired you to do<\/i>?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cErr<\/i>\u2026\u201d the well meaning person will generally stammer\u2026 while scrambling for something, ANYTHING to respond with\u2026 \u201cI mean\u2026 when my life is tough I think of you and how you\u2019ve handled things<\/i>\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll leave them dangling for a moment, then reply in a dejected manner\u2026 \u201cSo you are saying, when your life is tough, you can at least think, your life isn\u2019t as bad as mine and that helps you?<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!!! No, no, that\u2019s not what I mean!<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n

Then I\u2019ll laugh and tell them I\u2019m winding them up!\u00a0I know what they \u2018mean,\u2019 and that they mean it as a compliment. I just don\u2019t \u2018agree\u2019, unless \u2018something\u2019 changed in their life\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

If \u2018how I\u2019ve coped\u2019 has inspired someone to actually \u2018do\u2019 something, to travel, to volunteer or befriend a disabled person, to fundraise, or if I\u2019ve actually helped to motivate someone when truly faced with adversity, or simply, in some small way, helped someone to cope with their disability, then fantastic! Tell me, I will be so proud of you. Possibly even, proud of both of us?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But I haven\u2019t done anything special. I\u2019ve just \u2018got on with it<\/i>\u2019.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If my \u2018getting on with it\u2019 helps someone else when faced with their personal challenges, then great. If someone else has acquired a disability, and my story helped to motivate them, then I\u2019ll definitely take that as a win. If that<\/b> person tells me that I have \u201cinspired<\/i>\u201d them to face their disability and \u2018get on with it\u2019 too, then I\u2019ll be delighted.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t intended to be me, a super-crip, it is me \u2018getting on with it<\/i>\u2019 the best I can.<\/p>\n

The most important psychological \u2018tricks\u2019 are mentioned in the first part. In particular, when asked \u201chow are you?<\/i>\u201d Immediately remembering the very lowest point after acquiring the disability and comparing \u2018now\u2019 with \u2018that point\u2019, because by definition, compared to the lowest point, you are doing well.<\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.rollingwith.me\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Zimmer.mp4<\/a><\/video><\/div>\n

Sexy Stockings! Learning How to Walk in Rehab.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve shared this with people for a while now. I spoke with someone who had suddenly acquired a disability. They lost their home, their job, their income, their relationship. They were, not surprisingly depressed and feeling like their life was over. They gave up. When we spoke, they recalled their worst moment and used that as an anchor to refer back to. Some months later, they had moved to an accessible flat and were living independently. They told me that this \u2018trick\u2019 had been the single most important piece of advice anyone had given them. Simply being able to reply, \u2018I\u2019m doing well thanks<\/i>\u2019 motivated them enough to move forwards.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong, I\u2019d still rather be able to walk and would have preferred it if none of this had happened to me. But it did, so\u2026 when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I also had my imaginary friend in Aleppo. The war in Syria was just heating up and coming to the attention of mainstream media. The bombings had begun in earnest. It\u2019s perhaps fitting that I write this while in Egypt, thinking about the human catastrophes that keep being played out in the Middle East. I was in rehab. I would consider \u2018my imaginary friend<\/i>\u2019 every time I needed motivation\u2026 \u2026inspiration. If rehab was hard work (it was) and I\u2019d feel like giving up (I did) then I\u2019d think about him and his acquired disability. Simply going about his life when the bombs came. While the bodies were counted and reported, those people who acquired \u2018life changing injuries\u2019 were barely noticed outside of their own, very real world. I\u2019d picture him, lucky to have been given a battered, old wheelchair. Always one of those with solid rubber tyres. No physio or Occupational Therapy for my friend. No financial support. No hand controls on a car. He was on his own, from bread winner to the burden on his family. And still the bombs come.<\/p>\n

You shouldn\u2019t compare yourself to others, but sometimes it helps to feel \u2018lucky\u2019. I recognised that I had an opportunity that so many people would crawl over broken glass to get to.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And I\u2019d go to my physio session, or OT session, or simply push myself that bit harder again. To do my exercises even though they were painful and difficult, because not taking the opportunity, to waste it, would have been an insult to my \u2018friend\u2019. I wonder how he\u2019s got on?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Today, 31st October 2019, I visited the tomb of Rameses 5th & 6th in The Valley of the Kings, Luxor, Egypt.\u00a0I walked down to the incredible, beautiful burial chamber.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m writing this from my bed at a B&B. I\u2019m aching. My back is sore, my shoulders are painful. My wrists are sore. Have I \u2018over done it<\/i>\u2019? Too right!\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Will I be overdoing it again tomorrow? Probably!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In July 2013 I was still in rehab at Walton Hospital. I took some videos while I was there. It was a good way to share with family & friends how I was progressing. During an OT session, I was recorded while walking outside.<\/p>\n